Archive for the ‘EN’ Category

Don’t sell yourself out for the sake of attention and false glory. Not that attention and glory are wrong, but they should not be prime motivators that drive your life.

Instead, focus on simplicity. On nuance. Slow down. Breathe. Smile. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody. Including yourself. Think about that for a minute and let it sink in:

You don’t have to prove anything to anybody, including yourself.

What you value determines what you find attractive. If you value physical appearance above all else, then you will be willing to sacrifice all other traits for physical appearance in a partner. If you value intelligence above all else, then you will be willing to overlook other traits in favor of intelligence.

What you value in your life determines what you’re attracted to in others, which then determines the kind of partners you pursue, and the people you end up in relationships with.

Via MM.

First Common Problem: You value the wrong traits in a partner — traits that are actually incompatible with you and/or create bad relationships.

But it goes further than that. Because what you value also determines what you will cultivate and invest in for yourself.

So if you value money above all else, then you will invest your time/effort into making money and attract partners who highly value money as well. If you value honesty and authenticity, then you will invest in your own honesty and authenticity and therefore attract partners who value the same.

Second Common Problem: You invest and work on the wrong traits in yourself — traits that attract people who are incompatible or bad partners for you.

Decide your values, prioritize them, and then get to work on them. Then, like magic, watch your dating life completely transform.

It so happens that some values are better than others. Some values create better relationships than others. For instance, honesty generates better relationships than hype or impressing others. Trust generates better relationships than power/dominance. And respect generates better relationships than always being right.

These are just some simple but fundamental examples. Now what do you do next, that is the question.


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What’s the opposite of unrealistic career goals?

Of all people, you should know, because you may have erred a little too much on the side of caution.

It’s time to puff up, regroup and reach for the moon. You will surprise yourself!

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Don’t recall if I ever stated about the courses I followed recently.

One of them was based on Ethics&Leadership. And as amazing as it may sound to me, the professor literally scored, according to his values system, whether I would do the right or the wrong thing in 25 scenarios. Same for the others in the course, not just me. The result was that, from his point of view, I am too soft, I don’t see my interests and so on. It left me so puzzled, as since when being kind equals not being a leader any more?

One colleague mentioned about this Harvard test (link at the end of the post), so I opened a new tab and raised the questions to a machine. You also tell me, what do you see?

Your go-to leadership style: PROVIDER

You are motivated by two different yet equally strong desires: to lead from the front and to take care of people around you. You are confident in your abilities, deeply loyal and committed to your colleagues, and filled with a sense of conviction — all characteristics that may be very appealing to followers. You are also likely to believe that your approach is the right one, and you are highly motivated to share it with those you are close to so that they will succeed. But your conviction can also lead to insular thinking, and others may find you intellectually distant or overly focused on your own perspective. Your team may see you as deeply caring and thoughtful, but also inflexible and convinced that your way is the only path forward.

Potential blind spots:

• Integrating differing viewpoints. Your compassion and listening skills have the effect of making your colleagues feel heard. Yet they may see that your actions don’t change in response to their suggestions. Try implementing a few of their ideas.

• Operating day-to-day. Your focus on higher-level strategy and relationship building probably overshadows your interest in the details of execution. Build processes and support systems (perhaps with the aid of a Harmonizer or a Producer) that keep you accountable.

• Forging personal relationships and remaining accessible. While you care deeply about providing for others, your colleagues may see your relationships as somewhat one-dimensional — that is, more student-to-teacher than peer-to-peer. Find opportunities to share more of yourself (your background and your thinking) so they can get to know you as a person.

While you can improve in each of these areas, your natural or default style will resonate in certain work environments and fit less well in others. So you may want to seek out settings that play to your strengths, even as you work on areas for development to thrive in a broader range of contexts.

You’re likely to thrive if:

• Others in your organization feel a strong need to belong — for instance, a relatively young workforce who would benefit from your mentoring and guidance.

• You work in an environment that expects and values a clearly defined, strongly held point of view.

• Your team needs a leader who can set a clear, deliberate path forward.

• Your organization specializes in a narrow market or field that can benefit from your way of doing things.

You may struggle if:

• Your personal vision and perspective will be regularly challenged — for instance, if you join a group of established veterans who will test you as a rite of passage.

• The situation requires a diverse group of individuals who can build on one another’s ideas to be successful.

• You are asked to adopt a methodology or approach that is unfamiliar or substantially different from your preferred way.

Supplemental style: COMPOSER

You have the ability to blend creativity with logic to solve problems. You trust your intuition when generating ideas, and you are good at establishing clear boundaries for how and when to work with colleagues. Still, you are most comfortable when operating independently, never more so than when pursuing your own ideas and plans. Indeed, collaboration is challenging for you, and you may have difficulty “letting go” and relying on colleagues to contribute. These tendencies can make it more challenging for you to navigate your organization effectively. For example, you may struggle to get buy-in or otherwise advance the projects you’re working on.

Potential blind spots:

• Remaining open and flexible. You trust your gut so much that you may inadvertently crowd out others’ ideas with your own. Be deliberate about soliciting input — the additional brainpower can help you make your good ideas even better.

• Gaining buy-in. Your tendency to go at it alone comes with the risk that people around you won’t fully understand your ideas. By sharing your thinking as it develops (with your bosses and subordinates), you’ll be more likely to gain their support, particularly if your ideas reflect and incorporate their perspectives.

• Communicating with patience and clarity. Because much of your thinking and reasoning is internal, what is obvious to you (because you’ve already worked it out) may be brand-new or confusing to others. So you may need to backtrack and guide others through your thought process as you convey your ideas. Try to be patient and openly field questions; being abrupt might convey to others that you doubt their intelligence if they don’t immediately get what you’re saying.

• Team-building. You tend to focus on ideas and place a high value on independent thinking. Consequently, some of the more relational or emotional aspects of team building that others value highly may strike you as unnecessary or distracting. Partnering with a more relationally focused leader (such as a Collaborator or an Energizer) from time to time could help you improve the overall productivity and satisfaction of your team members.

• Being mindful of the grand scheme. Your independent streak could mask the fact that you have taken a narrow view of the problem at hand. Step back and look at the whole picture to better anticipate the short- and long-term consequences of your solutions or interventions.

While you can improve in each of these areas, your natural or default style will resonate in certain work environments and fit less well in others. So you may want to seek out settings that play to your strengths, even as you work on areas for development to thrive in a broader range of contexts.

You’re likely to thrive if:

• You have direct control over projects and timetables.

• Your circumstances require speedy and agile — yet thoughtful and decisive — problem solving, such as analyzing and responding quickly to new market data or research.

• Independence is valued in your organization, as it is in many research, legal, and creative settings.

• Building relationships isn’t central to your work (this is sometimes the case in IT, R&D, or engineering).

You may struggle if:

• You’re in an environment that calls for significant collaboration (for example, a cross-functional product team that relies on group problem solving).

• People in your company are typically influenced more by relationships and emotions than by ideas.

• Projects need extensive legal or medical review, and a lot of iteration, as they do in compliance and other “high-touch” environments.

Supplemental style: PRODUCER

You have a strong temperament and work ethic, and you value consistency, hard work, paying one’s dues, and (perhaps above all) tangible results. You appreciate pragmatism, tradition, and efficiency, and you tend to model these characteristics when working with teams. Though you may be skilled at building efficient structures and processes that enable reliable execution, you also have a bias toward proven approaches — you know what works and you expect others to “get on with it.” This tendency can make it challenging for you to incorporate new perspectives. Consequently, you may seem closed-minded and difficult to connect with emotionally, particularly to people you don’t work with intimately. You may appear realistic and grounded, but also rigid and fervent in your beliefs.

Potential blind spots:

• Inspiring and engaging others. Because you don’t tend to draw energy from your interactions with colleagues, you may be perceived as uninspiring or detached from others’ emotional reactions. Look for opportunities to provide positive feedback to colleagues when project milestones are met. Remember, the absence of criticism doesn’t constitute praise.

• Being open to new ways of doing things. Your loyalty to tradition and preference for the tried and true may prevent you from considering new approaches, even in the face of evidence that you should try them. Seek out fresh sources of information and venture outside your comfort zone — even trying a new type of cuisine or reading something you wouldn’t normally choose can broaden your perspective. One executive we know visited modern art museums to challenge his thinking.

• Connecting with people who aren’t like you. Because of your strong focus on execution and results, you may struggle to relate well with people who focus more on high-level strategy or relationship building. (Energizers, in particular, may irritate you because they merge their strategic and relational orientations.) You may never completely overcome this tension, but taking the time to appreciate different approaches will allow you to get more from your interactions with others.

• Giving others a chance to show their potential. One of the most important ways that employees learn and develop new leadership skills is by taking on stretch assignments. While your preference may be to keep people in positions where you can reliably count on them to deliver, recognize that this may stunt their professional growth. If you want to retain talented folks on your team or in your organization, challenge yourself to periodically find them new and stimulating assignments.

While you can improve in each of these areas, your natural or default style will resonate in certain work environments and fit less well in others. So you may want to seek out settings that play to your strengths, even as you work on areas for development to thrive in a broader range of contexts.

You’re likely to thrive if:

• You’re in an established or tight-knit environment, such as a traditional industrial or manufacturing setting, or the military, where proven methods prevail and results speak for themselves.

• The work you do requires clear structures and processes, or benefits from top-down oversight.

• You don’t need a lot of buy-in from others to get things done.

• Your organization has undergone significant (perhaps unsettling) change and requires a leader who can tune out the external noise to keep things running smoothly.

You may struggle if:

• Your organization is in the midst of substantial change.

• Subtle influence is needed or flexibility is at a premium.

• Your workforce consists of established, independent contributors who would reject a high degree of control.

• Your company has a strong culture of creativity and innovation.

Click here to take this assessment yourself.

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Another great coaching article from Rob today.

Everything takes less time when you know what to do. Knowing allows us to move through our days more effectively and end them with a level of confidence that we did what we should have. On the other hand, anything we let linger in the back of our minds distracts us.

Any decision we fail to make adds to the collection of crowded what ifs and what shoulds. We stand in a perpetual state of not knowing. Even the smallest decisions cause us tension.

Having a clear mind makes us peaceful.

Just think about it. It isn’t always about business. The decisions we make in our personal life are just as critical. One of the ways to look at your relationship with decisions is to look at your weekends.

Are you someone who, on a Saturday morning, would turn to your significant other and ask “What do you want to do today?” Of course, neither of you really knows or wants to commit. So you pretend to relax and scroll through your phone, emails, TV, whatever. Eventually though, the day slips away. You never decided to do anything. You feel guilty for wasting it rather than relaxed. But the real loss is this, if you had DECIDED to relax and have a lazy day, you wouldn’t feel guilty at all.

Isn’t it amazing?

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We all have to start where we are in life. You might not know everything, but you know how to contribute in SOME way. This is a really powerful “secret.” If you know that you can start where you are in life and in the universe, you’ll get ahead. Here’s the key to that.

The Little Drummer Boy

It’s the “Little Drummer Boy” option. The song is about a kid faced with not having any money and being told “Hey, here’s a King. What kind of gift will you give him?”

The Drummer Boy’s all like “I don’t have anything to give this guy.” He’s thinking “Oh crap. Here’s this king and I have no idea what to give him for a gift.” Everyone says back, “Well duh! Play your drums for him.” And the king (who’s a baby) is all into it.

Do what you know how to do. Start where you are with what you KNOW how to do.

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In and out

The person who loves our projects and understands our quirks and who is IN and not just someone buying something from us, they are who we strive to see succeed and happy. Those are the people we stay up late thinking about sometimes in the night.

But it requires work.

For there to be an “in,” there has to be access. Make it easy for people to reach you and have a genuine interaction.


The other sad truth is that for there to be an “in,” there has to be an “out.” This is the part people don’t want to talk about. But some people are not in. Decide what that means. Decide who can’t be in. (In my case, most of the “out” people self-select. I don’t choose to push people to the “out” category. They choose it by being impersonal and transactional in nature.)


So you need an in and an out, and you have to love extra hard on the “in” and wish the folks who are “out” the very best. Because they’re not bad. They’re just not the right fit for your in. We wish them nothing but the best.

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Who you are

No matter how much you think that people understand what you do, what you’re selling, what you’re about, they don’t. They’re busy. You’re busy. Everyone’s busy. So you have to fly that flag of yours loudly. You have to make it clear and obvious what you sell. You have to really be your own best and loudest voice in advocating for how you help the universe.

What does it say on your flag? Do people know? If you messaged a bunch of friends and asked them to explain what you do and how you help the world, would they say anything close to what you actually do? If not, guess who’s job that is to fix it?


I’m still working on mine.

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