If you’re anything like me, you’ve met a dozen and a half men who COULD be great boyfriends/husbands/fathers of your future children … but for whatever reason you just couldn’t take that next step with them.
So many of us find ourselves stuck between a rock and a hard place: we deeply want a relationship, but not with any of the men we’re currently meeting! 🙂
Have you ever felt pressured to settle for a guy you weren’t particularly into, simply because you didn’t want to be single? I’ve been there, too. 🙂
“Settling” has its advantages as well as disadvantages. But should you stick with Mr. “Good Enough” or not?
First of all, let’s talk about the kind of guy many of us are dating: Mr. Good-But-Not-Great.
Mr. Good-But-Not-Great would be a catch by anyone’s standards. He’s got his life sorted, has a financial plan for his retirement, and treats us with loving respect and admiration. He cares a lot about us, and he shows it in small ways. He invites us to family gatherings, makes an effort with our friends, and would rather be crashed on our sofa watching movies than out carousing with his buddies. Our mothers love him, all our friends are asking why we’re not married yet, and yet there’s a tiny voice shouting to be heard over all the congratulations, telling us to…
“RUN AWAY!”
Ever heard that voice yourself?
During my last years, I heard it all the time. I wanted the relationship to work, but although there were young men who had dreamy eyes for me, none of them spurred the iota of romantic excitement in me. There are cases when some of them “casually” stopped by to have a chat, the undercurrent of yearning in their voices made me feel the exact opposite emotion: I wanted to go away.
For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me. Was I just too picky? Maybe I just needed to give these young men a chance.
So I said yes to a few of them. One tedious date after another confirmed my suspicions: it was better to stay home than go out with someone who’s head-over-heels in love with you when you’re not even remotely interested.
I’ve since discovered that my experience was quite normal. Now I’ve met other women, great women, who’d love to meet someone to have a relationship with. Unfortunately, they can’t seem to meet anyone who quite spins their wheels. Some of these women believe that there’s something wrong with them for not feeling attracted to the single-and-available men they meet. Same as I do. They wonder if they’re too picky, or if they’re just over the singles scene, or if they’re ”meant” to be single forever. Same as I do. Other women believe that it’s the men’s fault. They think that the men they meet are too dull, too immature, or too self-absorbed. Same as I sometimes do, too. 🙂 Sometimes, though. 🙂
But no matter whose fault it is, the end result is the same. Those of us who desire nothing more than a loving, committed relationship are caught between a rock and a hard place…
…either we settle for someone we’re not really into, OR we stay single.
So should you settle for Mr. Good-But-Not-Great?
Or should you turn up your nose at any man who doesn’t seem like a potential husband?
Every relationship is in your life for a reason. When you’re dating Mr. Good-But-Not-Great, you’re learning valuable relationship skills.
You’re learning how to cope when a relationship isn’t satisfying. You’re learning how to deal with an imperfect situation. You’re learning to clarify your own needs and take a stand.
So yes, go ahead and date men that you wouldn’t marry! But just don’t marry him. 🙂
Imagine yourself at your golden wedding anniversary. You’re sitting at a long table beside your husband and looking proudly at all your children and grandchildren. One of your grandchildren pipes up: “Grandma! Tell us how you and Grandaddy met and fell in love!”. What kind of story do you want to tell? Do you want to tell a story about how your eyes locked across a table and you just knew you were meant for each other? Or do you want to tell a story about what a good guy he was and how you decided to get married someday because everyone was expecting you to?
The choice is yours.
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