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Lifeline

Back to RO. Romanian text follows.

Aseara am fost la botezul Oanei/Dan/Mati. 6 mai 2017.

Este acea perioada din viata de ceva timp – cand toata lumea se casatoreste, face copii, pot sa numar pe degete prietenii care nu au facut unul dintre cei doi pasi. Si intr-un mod bizar cand ma uit la viata mea nu pare ca voi avea prea curand o directie inspre asta.

Citeam azi un articol despre burn-out si cum interpretarea lui psihanalitica ar fi ca nu poti sa te accepti facand nimic, therefore wasting life. Always on the rush towards the next thing. Mi se pare ca si eu am trait asa destul de mult timp. Insa, nu stiu de unde sau de ce, s-a schimbat ceva in mine. Am inceput sa crave dupa vacante, dupa timp liber, dupa timp cu prieteni, dupa timp sa citesc o carte, o baie lunga si efectiv timp pentru mine. Catre prieteni spun ca am inceput sa imi doresc o viata. Cam asta e perspectiva.

Si am tot revazut filmul asta aseara. Am revazut oameni si felul in care si-au legat familiile, franturi din viata lor, oftat, nemultumiri, parca mai mult decat niciodata.

In mod surprinzator, oameni ale caror cupluri mi se pareau ideale s-au dovedit a fi oameni, pana la urma, si nu exista nimic mereu fericit nici la ei. Tristetea unei masti de “asa trebuie sa fie”, care de multe ori vine cu pachetul destul de judgmental ca ai 29 si lipsa perspectivei unei familii.

Probabil eu, Raluca a lui Adi si Ralu, eram cele mai independente figuri de acolo, fiecare dintre noi cu o alta poveste, si m-a lasat cu o serie de intrebari, pana la urma. Eu nu ma simt lasata in urma. Chiar cred ca mi-am jucat cartile foarte frumos pana acum. Si, indeed, chiar vreau sa schimb ceva, ma raportez din ce in ce mai diferit la work decat pana acum.

Cand Dan a luat microfonul si s-a pierdut, multumind de cel putin 5 ori ca suntem acolo, in interval de un minut, a tinut sa isi salute copiii din copilarie de la bloc si sa le spuna “nu vom pune manele”. So it got me wondering. M-am gandit la Josian, m-am gandit la articolul cu “why you should date a jerk”, si da – Josian intra la jerk, chiar daca nu in sensul de baza, ci profilul pe care si l-a facut prin toate problemele pe care si le-a creat mergand prin viata si creandu-si juniori fara sa isi doreasca o familie. So poate ca relatiile nefericite sunt acolo doar ca sa intelegem care este limita noastra de toleranta. Si da, in prezent cineva este nemultumit ca jumatatea actuala fumeaza, sau ca uita sa se spele pe dinti dupa ce fumeaza, ca nu spala vase, nu duce gunoiul, lasa haine imprastiate prin casa sau nu are timp suficient pentru lucurile pe care ti le-ai dori sa le faceti impreuna. Sau este un jerk si inca nu ti-ai umplut paharelul ca sa move on. Cine mai stie. Doar ca aseara am inteles de ce Oana pentru Dan e un inger. Si am inteles si de ce pentru Oana Dan este acela. Pentru ca in fond conteaza doar sa zambiti impreuna si sa stii ca te poti baza pe omul de langa tine. Nimic mai mult nu este necesar pentru o relatie fericita.

Si pe atat de simplu, pe atat de complicat.

 

Decisions, decisions

Another great coaching article from Rob today.

Everything takes less time when you know what to do. Knowing allows us to move through our days more effectively and end them with a level of confidence that we did what we should have. On the other hand, anything we let linger in the back of our minds distracts us.

Any decision we fail to make adds to the collection of crowded what ifs and what shoulds. We stand in a perpetual state of not knowing. Even the smallest decisions cause us tension.

Having a clear mind makes us peaceful.

Just think about it. It isn’t always about business. The decisions we make in our personal life are just as critical. One of the ways to look at your relationship with decisions is to look at your weekends.

Are you someone who, on a Saturday morning, would turn to your significant other and ask “What do you want to do today?” Of course, neither of you really knows or wants to commit. So you pretend to relax and scroll through your phone, emails, TV, whatever. Eventually though, the day slips away. You never decided to do anything. You feel guilty for wasting it rather than relaxed. But the real loss is this, if you had DECIDED to relax and have a lazy day, you wouldn’t feel guilty at all.

Isn’t it amazing?

Past

My dear reader,

I wonder how often do we cheat on ourselves. Today I had a recurrent thought from the past, reminding me of the myself I was a couple of years ago, when I used to describe myself as running while the other just have a walk. It has been indeed true for long, even after my car accident I continued to keep myself running, and I slowed down.

I said it earlier in my life and my present experience comes to confirm it again – If it’s not a YES feeling from the beginning, it’s NOT a MAYBE, it’s a NO. The rest are just hopes, imagination, wishes, investments.

With all my rationale, I believe more and more that emotions are the ones that keep us going. But how is it when you conclude it’s a bad investment and you keep on going. Just as gambling and hoping the next experience will be so positive that it will make it all worth it But it’s not. And it keeps on going. Loving and caring. I believe it is called cheating. And it hurts more than it’s hurting outside.

I feel more alone with you this way than I feel alone. My solitude is more pleasant and, mostly, more sane. It may sound odd, I am sorry, but it is sincere from the bottom of my heart.

And my question is, it’s not all about the financials and commitments and hopes and beliefs, the person continues to be a small-paced, and hurtful, what do you do?

I tell you – pack your things and move on. Replay your cards right, as time never stands free.

Don’t cheat on yourself and don’t cheat others either.

The moment you become aware you shouldn’t be able to pause it any more. Take it further and re-become an action taker.

Let tomorrow get back into its pace and open a new chapter. No matter what follows, it will be better than wondering what if.

My biggest hugs to you, my dear.
Happy birthday.

 

Attempt. Fail. Adapt.

 

In business, when sales are low, you can have as many meetings as you want, seek as many new ideas as you want, but if you’re not out selling, you’re not going to solve the revenue problem.

In survival training, you’re taught that “movement is life.” The military says this, too. Nothing gets you into trouble faster than sitting still or freezing in place. Say it to yourself right now. Movement is life.

We often mistake “busy” for “movement.” But busy is more a state of how you manage your options and choices.

Even if you attempt an action or movement and you fail, you’ve done something. What could come next is adapting (learn from what you experience) and then make another attempt. What’s the best that could happen?

 

The little drummer

We all have to start where we are in life. You might not know everything, but you know how to contribute in SOME way. This is a really powerful “secret.” If you know that you can start where you are in life and in the universe, you’ll get ahead. Here’s the key to that.

The Little Drummer Boy

It’s the “Little Drummer Boy” option. The song is about a kid faced with not having any money and being told “Hey, here’s a King. What kind of gift will you give him?”

The Drummer Boy’s all like “I don’t have anything to give this guy.” He’s thinking “Oh crap. Here’s this king and I have no idea what to give him for a gift.” Everyone says back, “Well duh! Play your drums for him.” And the king (who’s a baby) is all into it.

Do what you know how to do. Start where you are with what you KNOW how to do.

In and out

The person who loves our projects and understands our quirks and who is IN and not just someone buying something from us, they are who we strive to see succeed and happy. Those are the people we stay up late thinking about sometimes in the night.

But it requires work.

For there to be an “in,” there has to be access. Make it easy for people to reach you and have a genuine interaction.

 

The other sad truth is that for there to be an “in,” there has to be an “out.” This is the part people don’t want to talk about. But some people are not in. Decide what that means. Decide who can’t be in. (In my case, most of the “out” people self-select. I don’t choose to push people to the “out” category. They choose it by being impersonal and transactional in nature.)

 

So you need an in and an out, and you have to love extra hard on the “in” and wish the folks who are “out” the very best. Because they’re not bad. They’re just not the right fit for your in. We wish them nothing but the best.

Who you are

No matter how much you think that people understand what you do, what you’re selling, what you’re about, they don’t. They’re busy. You’re busy. Everyone’s busy. So you have to fly that flag of yours loudly. You have to make it clear and obvious what you sell. You have to really be your own best and loudest voice in advocating for how you help the universe.

What does it say on your flag? Do people know? If you messaged a bunch of friends and asked them to explain what you do and how you help the world, would they say anything close to what you actually do? If not, guess who’s job that is to fix it?

Yours.

I’m still working on mine.